Dude, Why You Trying so Hard?

Good evening folks!

Well today I was compelled to write a little blog about an interesting conversation I had with a friend.  We were discussing life, people and relationships–you know, the usual defined topic of discussion. Well, anyway, the conversation turned to men who try to hard. Ladies….and men out there…please, can somebody answer the question of why there are still those grown ass men out there who feel the need to try TOO hard in everything they do?

I think we can all agree that that is one of the most unattractive qualities that many guys these days possess. I think it’s because they don’t realize that overcompensation is easily read by others and we all know that overcompensation is a mask for desperation (hey, just call me Jessica Jackson over here lol). There’s a difference in confidence and that can do spirit and just trying to damn hard.

We all know these men. They’re the ones who MUST prove that they are the most popular of their crew–even well into their 30s. And don’t let summertime come around, they gotta be the “KING OF THE BARBEQUUUUUUE!”

They are the men who must be sure to let every living soul know–in one way or another–that they get sex and/or sexual advances (or what they perceive to be advances) on a regular basis. When they are really failing to realize that everybody, even ray-ray on the coe-nah gets stuff thrown at them, so we’re all in the same boat there–at least that’s what I believe. I don’t believe I get more advances than the next woman, i just believe I get more bullshyt-’are you kidding me?!’-and “are you freakin serious’ types of advances than most of my friends–but that’s another thing, maybe my mojo aint swinging to the right star or something and the universe is sending me the clowns. anyway…..

These are guys who feel inadequate with themselves, their stamina, their look, or their conversation–or anything else for that matter and must resort to “proving themselves” to everyone else in hopes that one day they will see in themselves what they are trying to lead everyone else to believe that they are. The problem with this is–nobody falls for it! People will like you regardless. They will even like you IN SPITE of KNOWING that you try to hard.

I have a couple of friends like this and actually, one that I am still cool with but not like I was before. Main thing with the latter is, it became annoying having to endure his obvious attempts at making sure everyone thought he was “the man” in and with any and everything that was going on. Folks at the crib want wings, he’d go pick them up and that was wonderful. But dont go buy all this extra shyt nobody asked for and walk in the house like folks supposed to swoon at your feet because you got all this extra lemon pepper and folks just want their buffalo. I mean, he walked in, stood by the door with this shyt eating grin on his face, holding out the bags with all these wings in them like he was Charleton Heston or somebody parting the damn red sea..it was HILARIOUS! What was even funnier is those of us who know him know, he’s not that dude for real. it’s just sad.

I have another friend I have a theory about. And it’s a simple one: he tries to hard in all aspects of a social life but especially with the ladies and with working out. I think it’s because he used to be fat as a youngster and never got a girl back in school–you know, when it counted. lol. But he could be the bomb if he would just cut out all that bullshyt. What’s funny is that my bet is everyone who knows him probably thinks this about him–and it’s kind of uncomfortable to think he’s always trying to make sure everyone thinks he’s the life of the party. But, they like him anyway. Which proves, they’ll like you regardless so stop it!

You know, years ago, on a job interview (or it may have been my first day at work, can’t remember) I told my former boss of a little complex I have about myself. She told me all that she envisioned me doing at that job and I told her every reason why I couldn’t do it–which is all centered around this little “thing” I’ve been trying to deal with and overcome about myself since I was younger. But in that moment, I was put at ease to be myself and not even think of overcompensating as an esteem builder because she told me “That’s fine because everybody has something to get over”. That simple statement meant so much to me, it stuck with me to this day.

So for all those sad, little men out there who feel they need to be this and be that and try so hard so that they can be pleased with themselves–please, STOP. It’s sad and aggravating. Just do you and keep it pushing. Stop trying to convince yourself and all of us that the person you want us to think you are is who and what you really are.

Aint nobody got time for all that.